Introducing LOTFW

 

Who cares about the little election across the pond? Introducing the real Leader of the Free World. He writes satirical comments on the world, well literally anything! I am sure you will find his posts riveting, you can read some of his travel writings here.

It has to be said, that by no stretch of the imagination am I a political or current affairs mastermind. However, I am of voting age, I am socially aware, and I have many opinions on a lot of things. Therefore I believe the murmurings of people such as myself can provide a sound insight into the thinking of the general public on such matters of grave importance, thusly I would like to share a few thoughts of mine on current issues if you fine people will be good enough to indulge me. To keep myself in the loop with all things current (as opposed to raisins, they’re not as juicy you see) I regularly peruse the wealth of knowledge and information available via the glorious British Broadcasting Corporation website. And, I won’t deny, I have a tendency to gravitate towards the “Most Read” section of the site, simply to see what our grand, and highly intellectually developed nation deem to be of the greatest merit for my valuable time. Today I was not disappointed, top article: 

“Morning coffee is ‘meal in a cup’” 

Excellent I think, an ironic title using satire to draw in an audience then hit them later on with a really heavy, deep and meaningful piece on war, death, taxation, or law and order … but alas, the subject matter is as the title suggests, how a morning coffee contains practically a fifth of a persons required daily calories. Upset I was about this misunderstanding, but not dissuade from my thirst for knowledge, I read on to the next article: 

“Scorpion found in store bananas” 

Now here we have something I can really get my teeth into. I won’t however be getting my teeth into any Morrison’s bananas for a while, for fear I may receive more than I bargain for in the form of a well travelled eight-legged arthropod. Fortunately for this little South American customs dodger, the government’s immigration policy will see him put up in a nice cosy new Sky TV enabled flat, provided with free health assistance (incase he is suffering from Scurvy following his lengthy transit), and will re-write the local signage to include Spanish so our newest addition doesn’t get lost while driving his Nissan Micra down to Aldi. 

At this point I lost interest in the exploits of the day’s big news, and set about reading extracts relating to how an unfortunate gentleman has resigned from his job after failing to properly report a donation someone gave him of £103,000. Just clumsy if you ask me, I personally would make pretty damn sure that if someone is kind enough to give me over one hundred thousand pounds, I make sure it is all sign sealed and delivered without so much of a “t” not being crossed. But it’s not important though, apparently this chap was just only someone else’s secretary, ironically he dealt with work and pensions… neither of which he personally needs to worry about for a while, funny how things work out isn’t it.

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